Untitled heART: The definition of insanity

I've heard this many times and even lectured others a time or two on it's validity. The definition of insanity (or crazy, or stupidity, or insert your own limiting thought process approach to life) is doing the same thing again and again expecting different results. The would be the equivalent to me following the steps to fold a paper crane expecting it to produce an elephant in the end.

And right now, I am guilty as charged.

In my last post I called myself out on not keeping up with my blog, yet I have produced the same outcome. I didn't change anything. I followed the same behavior. And here I am over a week later, really 10 days would be a more accurate description, finding myself playing the same catch up game. Should I make excuses about my week? How draining and exhausting it was, for what? Your sympathy? Your pity?

I. HATE. pity.

I need to be a different person-for more reasons than some of you could understand right now. The words don't really matter. The actions say everything. I need to be that person that stops complaining and does what she says. And what she wants.

What do I want...
Or maybe the more important question for me is:
How do I say what I want?

4.20.14: 9

I have a face-off on my mind apparently.
Feeling like one against many sucks.

4.21.14: 12

Moving On....
My mom is here and it's great to show her what I've been working on. My inner-child is very content right now.

4.22.14: 15

My stomach is officially in my throat today. The waiting seems endless. I look to my left and can't imagine why someone would wear jeans and sneakers to the courthouse.

But an amazing late breakfast fixes everything, right? I would definitely go back to Keke's. Though the single orange slice cracks me up. Did you put it there to allow me to convince myself that this is a "healthy" meal. HA! I don't play that game. This whole thing is going in my belly and I can't wait!

4.23.14: 5

Something may be brewing...apparently I come up with crazy ideas at my stained glass class.

All will be explained in good time...

4.24.14: 2

4.25.14:6

Today is my dad's birthday. I love him. I was talking to him about his plans for his birthday and going through my mail. I came across a card from my aunt and had to hold back tears so my dad wouldn't know I was crying.

My aunt sent me a picture of us that she has on her desk. A picture 28 years old. In her card she said she wished she had been a better aunt to me over the years. In that moment I couldn't ask for a better aunt. And I hope she knows that that is not true. I showed the picture to a friend and she commented that, "it looks like she thinks the world of you." That was the feeling I felt as I reread her card.

4.26.14: 4